day 76 – until next time

scenery passes you by
but i don’t

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day 72 – home for christmas/swearing mood

it’s always fleeting
but i feel so god damn human
caring about something again
if only for a moment

and oh my fucking god
your face in the lamp light
your eyes in any light

five days until you board a train
with my happiness
and i lose my mind
all over again

day 52 – jolts

1.

numb, save a jolt of electricity
here and there
no need to remember
faces or names –
just easing through seasons
trying to capture a glimpse
of meaning in ashes
and endings
and death

2. jolt 1

i am sorry i taught you bitterness,
convinced you solitary death
is better than love,
always fleeting

i carry those years with me;
dream-like,
youthful,
twelve seasons
brimming with magic

you bury those years;
ghost-like,
painful,
one ending
and a lifetime of regret

how dare you blemish
cherished memories
with blame

how dare you forget
our sunny back yard
and black cat
and me in my fur coat
on your 23rd birthday

how dare you discredit
the first time i saw you smile,
the first time i fell in love,
the first time i died

2. jolt 2

the mischievious look in your eyes
as you debate kissing my cheek,
ultimately decide against it
and leap off the bus

jolt 3.

pure electricity

i can’t lie still
i can’t breathe
i can’t help it

day 50 – snowy revelation

somewhere in the safety of a blizzard,
we watch obscure films and eat chinese food
under a shabby roof blanketed in majestic white
and i find some other way to claw out of this hole

i’m hiding from everything –
all this could also be yours
(for a decidedly limited time)
in exchange for some secrecy,
a fair amount of patience
and your neck to bury my face in
when i want to scream in the night