day 105

1. x

tonight you can know me as
my name would allow,
grasping at anomalies

2. o

everyone loves the sun
but it inevitably sets on everyone

3. dear coworker,

i am sorry i hit your car
with my car
and then didn’t tell you about it

it was looking pretty rough anyway

4. 4:07 am

i don’t want this to be the last time
but i think it might be –
i think it has to be

5. howdy!

riding coattails all over town,
tip your fancy hat
to anyone who’s working for it

6. almost a haiku

“let’s go to japan”
says every boy i meet
i think i’ll go alone

7. run

these things you are waiting for –
they’re not coming

what’s coming is an ultimatum
and a whole lot of regret

8. flaws

coy like always,
i tell you of my darker days
in hard facts,
leaving out important details
of my undoing

i wonder whether you’d still like me
if i told you about the time
i tried to pull out all my hair
or toyed with a knife for hours,
unsure of what i wanted to do with it

9. lower the gate a few inches

semi-frantically sharing intricacies,
you tell me you would bring me flowers to look at
if i didn’t want to get out of bed
and, suddenly, i am not so scared of you

10. old friend

these conversations in which i tell you
you’re far away and i’ve forgotten how to love you kindly
are always accepted graciously on your end

you deserve good things –
i want you to know that

11. introspective incident

curate contentedness
evening lurks

i play with globes
and contemplate”us”
as dusk descends

i could get used to this
i could be nice to you

12. a dream

all the vegetables feel deeply

i watch them grieve
as i eat their loved ones

13. happens nightly

faeries circle round the room
your eyes grow heavy
and a breeze intrudes,
gently brushing your bangs aside
and coaxing you into nightmare

14. more a stream of thought than a poem

les miserables is very sad
i am unsure of what matters in life
it is friday afternoon and i want to be outside

15. 

do i want this because it’s tangible
or do i want it because i want it?

you look like a giant in my ’85 corolla
you put your hand on my thigh
i put my foot on the gas
i guess we’ll find out

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day 100

1. a thought i had today

let’s go to a corn maze
let’s get drunk in a corn maze
let’s get lost in a corn maze
let’s make out in a corn maze
let’s make out

2. unconditional

i can hear you
but i’m not listening
because the waves
are lapping on the shore
and i’m regressing through lifetimes

everything fades into sunset
and the stars are left to judge us
(or not)
there is no solace here
(or anywhere)

oh, how quickly i get bored
oh, how you are lovely still

3. let’s

let’s go slowly into the morning light
let’s try to embrace the sunshine
and chattering sparrows on the sill

let’s stop blaming our parents
for the messes we make
and maybe cease making them
altogether

let’s be friends first and lovers second
let’s not talk about the past
let’s coalesce

4. i keep telling you

be careful
i’m a witch
and there is nothing anyone can do
to change that

5. i exercise restraint

well, perhaps it was cruel
to let you whisper in my ear all night
and play my favourite songs
as you watched me dance,
all carefree and happy
like i pretend to be

and then to leave you
in your bed, alone
with the door unlocked
in hopes i might walk through it

you don’t deserve better than me
but i don’t think you deserve worse

6. vampires for friends

crawl back to me, sweet thing
wounded creature, bloody and battered
let me hold your broken body
let me hold your clammy hands

7. (head nod)

fancy seeing you here
(in hell)

8. weary

let’s see how long we can
make this vendetta last

my fingernails are adorned
with sparkly confetti
i want to tear them off

this doesn’t feel like a party
anymore

day 90-96

1. nihilism

the sky isn’t weeping for you
nor is it pissing on you

2. amicable dinner with former almost lover

i walk in
you look good

mischievous gleam in your eye,
intentionally asymmetrical haircut,
british schoolboy hat

sip your tea,
order sushi for two

you dropped out of school,
you’re keeping busy,
you don’t think i’m a bad person

3. i told all your friends i made you cry

i win
i don’t know how
or why
but i know you are horrible
and i win

4. vegetable villain

sometimes i fantasize
about keeping a garden

lush greenery
tended carefully
by learning hands,
delicious accomplishments,
beautiful triumphs

but if i had a garden
i would almost certainly leave it to die

5.  could be worse

your only disadvantage
is the knife in your hand
and the devil in your head

6. oops!

oops!
i think you’ve mistaken me for your mother
and i’d rather not play out freudian fantasies with you

7. i relate to inanimate objects

fraudulent sunshine invades
the front porch,
cluttered with oddities
and i chain smoke cigarettes
in this teal wingback chair,
worn from the weather
(aren’t we all?)

day 89 – drunk poem

spiced rum and ginger ale
a dozen times over
and cigarettes smoked
too quickly
too frequently
too carelessly

i want to watch blustery storms alone
i want to read poems about misery

i want to contemplate the moon
i want to mourn your lack of decency

i don’t want you to buy me a drink
i can buy my own god damn drink

i discovered love once
and i will be ready for it
the next time around

so go home
you wolves